Week 3 - Compassion

Week 3 - Compassion

com·pas·sion

  [kuhm-pash-uhn]  Show IPA

noun

1.

a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, 

accompanied by astrong desire to alleviate the suffering.

verb (used with object)

2.

Archaic. to compassionate.

Origin: 
1300–50; Middle English  (< Anglo-French ) < Late Latin compassiōn-  (stem of compassiō ). See com-,passion

Related forms

com·pas·sion·less, adjective

un·com·pas·sion, noun

un·com·pas·sioned, adjective

Synonyms 
1. commiseration, mercy, tenderness, heart, clemency. See sympathy.

(Reference http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/compassion)

This past week has taught me a lot about compassion.  I can't explain it other than this...

Both my brother and father were diagnosed with cancer, at different times, nonetheless our family went through some of the toughest times during their diagnosis.  Both instances, I felt a sense of compassion from friends, family and loved ones.  But I also learned what it was to have compassion for others.  Seeing my brother stuck in a hospital bed while his friends are out enjoying being 16 was one of those instances it really hit me.  Here is this kid, stuck, in the summer with tubes, needles, and the annoying hospital smell.  The only thing I knew to do, was be there for him, and bring him taco bell and Mountain Dew.  Which seemed to help :)

My brother has been cancer free for 11 years now. He's healthy. And that's all that matters.

As for my dad, his passing continues to be something I deal with, but proved to be yet another instance when I felt the compassion others had for my family and I.  

This weekend, my mom reminded me of this.  Not specifically by stating, "remember when..." But by acting on it.  She reminded me that compassion is a gift you give to others and yourself.  I don't want to get into the details about the things that occurred, but compassion is ever present.

Until next week, my journey to be better and do better continues....

Week 2 - Santa

Week 2 - Santa

Although we are 2 weeks into the new year, I couldn't help but share my "Santa" story. I have to preface the story with a Christmas tradition my mom, Santa and I have had since 1987. Basically, Santa decided I would get a Holiday Barbie every Christmas. My mom of course would be the "elf" to carry this tradition out. This is a gift that I always have looked forward to on Christmas morning.
Well, my mom and I decided that last year would be the last year I would be receiving a Barbie. I was ok with that. I turned 30, and it was time for a new tradition. So I thought.
KO and I had just finished up a late meeting at the Ren Cen and headed down to the food court for lunch. Who just happened to be there, it was Santa.  Obviously we had to go take a picture with him.  Here it is...

While I was waiting for KO, Santa gently took my hand and said, "You know, I'm going to need you to do me a favor."  I replied, "Whats that, Santa?"  He said, "I'm going to need you to give me back all your Barbies.  I know you still have them in the boxes."  I suddenly froze.  I looked over at KO with my jaw completely dropped. She said, "What, whats going on?"  I replied, "Did you put him up to this?"  No sooner did the words roll out of my mouth, I realized, I never told KO about my Barbies.  With Santa's hand still holding mine and in somewhat of a silly shock I replied, "Santa, you gave me those as a gift all my life." "There are kids that need gifts though, don't you want to give them a gift?" he out wittingly replied.  I was stumped   How do I respond to that?  Of course I want to help kids that don't have gifts enjoy the holidays.
I felt like I was 5 again and in a dilemma, do what Santa asks or keep my tradition alive.  I responded the best way I knew how to, "Santa, I don't think my mom will like it if I gave them all back to you.  Did you talk to her about this?"  He didn't respond.  And then it was picture time.  We thanked him, got our things and headed to the food court.  KO realized quickly that I was still in shock.  She had no idea what was going on, but thought it was funny once I explained everything.
I could not wait to get home to call my mom.  Mostly to tell her the story, but more importantly to tell her I still wanted my Barbie this year for Christmas.  She thought the story was equally strange, and had a sense that I would change my mind.
How does this all fit into my "be better, do better"?  Well, this year I have decided to make some changes.   Especially with the way I react...to people, places and things.  I've learned a lot about myself and my character defects.  I know that the way I've treated people over the years, mostly my mom, needs to change.  Dealing with my issues is helping me to realize that I need our relationship to get better.  I want her to hear and be a part of my efforts to be a better person.
The point is, my mom knows me, almost better than anyone I've ever known.  She knew that even though I said I didn't want that Barbie, on Christmas morning I would have been disappointed.
I appreciate her for everything she does.  I have be better to her.  And I intend to.

Until next week.  Be better, do better...

Week 1 - Letting Go

Week 1 - Letting Go

This week brings new things for me...2013 New Year, my 31st birthday (dear lord help us all), and T-dizzle's birthday. Most importantly, I decided to do something new and different. I decided to let go. Let go of the past, fighting, arguing and most of all, my ideas of how my life is "supposed" to be. I realized, that its SO draining. For me and everyone around me. And not to mention, it's totally holding me back from enjoying everything in front of me, the present.
So instead of buying myself a fabulous purse or amazingly awesome shoes (that are out of my budget) for my birthday, I gave myself a better gift. I'm going to let it all go. I will enjoy the present.
In doing so, I decided to pull it together, get some makeup on, and go out to enjoy my birthday with MMD. We had a wonderful time and ate some great food at a new restaurant, Gastronomy.  

We shall see what the next week brings. Until then, I'm going to be better AND do better.